Hashtag Real Life, Part Deux

I do not want to reconcile with he-who-must-not-be-named, but knowing that he has already moved on and is telling women that he is not married really irritates me.

I feel much resentment towards him, but I am trying my best to let it go.

As much as I know that I need a full time job, my focus right now is picking up the pieces, and doing what I can for my kids to make this time easier on them. 

Tomorrow I turn in my application for TANF and food stamps....help that I never thought I would need, but for which I am praying that I am approved. 

I wonder every night if I missed my chance at a happily married life (with someone else). 

Now that I am starting to process everything that has happened over the past few years, I realize how abusive he was and I have multiple anxiety attacks daily. 

My kids saved me. If not for them, I might not ever have gotten the guts to get out of my abusive marriage. 

I will never get involved with a narcissist again. I know the red flags, I will NOT let it happen again. 

I have a running list of "want" and "will not tolerate" for anyone I date in the future. I have promised myself to not give any passes on those. 

If my dogs don't like a guy, I will not date him. 

No guy will meet my kids until we've dated at least 4 months. 

Parenting is hard. Being a 100% single parent is hard. Divorcing your abusive partner while parenting your kids 100% of the time, trying to keep the household afloat, and trying to pick up the emotional pieces...well, I am being stretched to my limit. 

Domestic abuse is alienating, and humiliating. 

As my advocate reminded me, my hardships are temporary. I am in a transition time that is so fracking hard right now, but it is temporary. I am building a new, healthy life for my kids, my furkids (and fish), and myself...THAT will be lasting. This hard shit is temporary.