Jamberry and Crossfit

Ok, so here is where I talk about Jamberry  and CrossFit and how, for me, they are great and kind of intertwined.

When we decided a couple of months ago that I would be a stay at home mom, I decided to become a Jamberry consultant. Well, life got in the way (sorry for the vagueness, but there are some things I agreed to not share publicly), so I am just now really getting into it. I have been wearing Jamberry wraps and lacquers for MONTHS and really like them! The wraps last, on me, about 10 days (and I am HARD on them-cleaning daily, CrossFit, and going to the beach) on my fingernails and more than 4 weeks on my toenails. The lacquer lasts over 5 days on my fingernails with no chips! Both the wraps and wraps are non-toxic and not tested on animals. Oh yeah, and there are Junior sized wraps for  children or for those with small nails :) Here are some pictures of the wraps that I have personally worn :)

I am looking to add people to my fabulous team and I'm always here to answer questions! Check out Jamberry's awesome lines of wraps and lacquers on my site!

So how does CrossFit play into all of this? Because CrossFit and Jamberry are 2 things that I believe in, and I am willing to sink my money, time, and name into them.  A company of non-toxic, not tested on animals, nail lacquers and nail wraps, that was started by a small group of women? AND that contain SO MANY FREAKING FABULOUS CHOICES?! SIGN ME UP!

As for CrossFit....a little background: At one point in time, I signed up to be a "coach" with another big name fitness program. I did it for the discount on their goods and because one of their programs got me down to a size 4 (I am 5'8") and 132 lbs. I was happy and looked good at that size, but I had to deprive myself of so much (like no alcohol, no bread, no sugar, no beer, and eat less than 1800 cal/day) and do so much cardio to maintain that size. Oh, and I was definitely not strong, not at all. Then came CrossFit, and the reality that I didn't HAVE to be a size 4, or even "skinny" to be awesome. See, previously not named company focuses only on weight loss, not on strength. There I was in my 30s and literally for the first time I started to focus more on the weight I was lifting rather than how much I weighed. I stopped counting calories and started reading labels. I stopped killing myself on cardio machines and started doing WODs that involved AMRAPs with weights and short bursts of cardio. I GOT STRONGER and I got happier. Am I 100% satisfied with how I look? No (and that is a deep rooted issue), but am I 100% satisfied with my workouts, coaches (like, actual in person, certified CrossFit coaches) and CrossFit friends? Yes, yes I am.

My CrossFit girlfriends and I talk about how much we can lift, not how much we weigh. We don't talk about what size clothes we wear, we compare the sizes of our hand callouses. We don't count calories, we count reps, double unders, and how fast we can row 500 meters. You know what all of that means? It means, that we constantly push each other to be stronger. It means that we stick around after WODs to cheer each other on, and to sometimes do another workout. It means that when any of us gets a PR (personal record) on a lift or skill, we ALL celebrate and congratulate.

The 2 paragraphs above, THAT is why I am studying and training to become a Level 1 CrossFit coach, and then a CrossFit Kids coach. I love that I walk into a WOD, and rather than feeling like other chicks are judging me, I feel a sisterhood (good lord that sounds cheesy-I blame the wine). I love that my kids literally cheer me on during some WODs and see mommy getting strong rather than Mommy trying to get skinny. And most of all, I love the personal pride that I feel when I hit a PR, or like this past week when I hit a few PRs. There is literally no greater high for me.

Maniac Monday

In an effort to get myself to blog more, and get the worries on paper and out of my head, I am starting Maniac Mondays on here. I am going to type out every current worry that I currently have, then I will do my best to NOT worry about them for the rest of the week.

Money-Becoming a SAHM has been a bigger financial burden that we originally thought. I know it won't last forever, and it is truly worth it (for many reasons), but it sucks. I am restarting the Dave Ramsey plan and am determined to get us on track. And no, I don't do the couponing thing because honestly, we don't eat many foods that are coupon-able (yes, I made up that word). I *do* shop at a certain grocery store, and utilize the rewards card and all their sales. I could go on and on about money, but if I do then there won't be time for any other worries.

Parenting-I think that every decent parent worries that they are not a good parent. Do they watch too much TV? Am I giving them enough freedom? Do they have too much freedom? Am I too easy on them? Am I too hard on them? Seriously, these are only some of the questions that I ask myself everyday.

Marriage-Relationships are hard, including marriage. I don't care what anyone says, marriage is not easy. Balancing parenting AND marriage is even more difficult and complicated. Worth it? yes. Hard at times? Yes.

Pets-Yes, I worry about being a good parent to our pets. I worry about affording the best food, the best toys, and the best vet care for them. I worry about providing the best life for them, and making sure that they are happy and safe.

Body issues-Every. Single Day. CrossFit is helping but still, I really need to throw away our scale. Speaking of weight, I PR'd my power hang clean last week! I'm now up to 100 lbs :)

Ok, that's it for today. Now I have to get on with my day, including CrossFit.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.....

Me on the right, 115 lbs, about 20 yrs ago (age 17-18)

Me-winter 2011 in Colorado Springs, 135 lbs, size 4

Me-May 2012, about 135 lbs, size 4 (after a Spartan race)

Me-10 mos ago, about 140 lbs, size 6

Me-last summer (?), no idea of weight or size

Me-Sept 2013, about 145 lbs, size 8? (not sure)

Me-March 2014, 150 lbs, size medium in workout clothes (no idea of my number size)

This is likely to be a long, rambling post about my personal body image issues....not sure what the point is, except that I feel like I need to get it out.

First of all, the fact that I am posting that last picture...I hate that picture. But, in order to write about body image, I need to share that with anyone who is reading this. I am currently about 150 lbs and am 5'8.5" tall. My measurements are 39-I don't know (really, I don't....I hate measuring my waist)-41. I love my breasts and hips, but the rest...not so much.  The fact is, I have never really been 100% happy with me body. Yes, there are times I have felt more attractive, sexier, more confident but I have never felt 100% confident, not even last summer when I was rocking that green striped bikini. 

I have struggled with body image since at least junior high; of course back then, I was too skinny and was frequently told that I needed to eat more (I ate A TON of food), and was asked if I had an eating disorder. My breasts and hips were basically nonexistent, in a sea of girl friends who had at least some curves. I was 115 lbs, tall, lanky, and had trouble finding clothes that would fit properly. 

Around age 20, all of that changed. Within a month, I grew half an inch, my bra size increased by 2 cup sizes, and I put on 5+ pounds. It was like I had finally hit puberty! I liked my new curves, but was still not happy with my body or my looks. Of course, a lot of that had to do with the severe cystic acne that I was dealing with as well. Thankfully, no one was ever rude to me about that, but I still have scars on my face and I can still very well remember how awful my skin was, and how much it physically hurt. Thank God for accutane, that cleared everything up in 3 months. Even after it cleared, I was still self conscious, and still styled my hair in ways to cover portions of my face (far framing layers were a godsend). To this day, I will not even go to the gym without wearing at least some make-up. 

In my 30s, I battled infertility and lost. My husband and I went through 5+ yrs of treatments, from clomid and timed intercourse, all the way to IVF and then FET. The treatments ravaged my body and spirit. I gained over 20 lbs (and losing weight is not easy when you have PCOS and endometriosis), became depressed, and felt like nothing was in my control. (During this time, my husband deployed for a year and we adopted 2 children via kinship care, so stress was HIGH.) I turned to exercise and dieting, in a big way. I would come home from work and do 60-90 minutes of cardio exercise DVDs. I restricted caloric intake, at one point was eating only 1400 calories per day. I lost the weight, and was a size 4 for the first time in years!!! I was thrilled and was determined to keep off the weight after my husband returned...of course, that didn't happen because maintaining a weight of 132-135 lbs meant that I could not eat my favorite things or enjoy beer very often. I also was not strong at all...enter CrossFit. 

My husband and I started doing the CrossFit WODs that were posted on the main CrossFit site, and I started trail running. I trained for a Spartan race, and finished it :) Soon after, we PCS'd (Military talk for the Army made us move) to Florida and by then I was recovering from a torn meniscus from not squatting properly during thrusters. I didn't do any real formal exercise for several months, well other than DVDs and then occasional running. Then, we joined a local CrossFit box, and I fell in love with the sport and the culture. 

As I am sure you have noticed, I have not lost weight while doing CrossFit....and deep down, I am ok with that fact. My diet has not been the best, and I have had some injuries (not CrossFit related) over the past year that have prevented me from working out consistently at times. But guess what? 

I can dead lift 140 lbs.

I can back squat 105 lbs and front squat 80 lbs.

I can bench press 95 lbs.

I can power clean 100 lbs. 

I can clean & jerk 85 lbs (that is AFTER a shoulder injury that sidelined me from lifting for about 5 months). 

Those are the weights I am training myself to concentrate on now. I will never be 135 lbs again. I will never be a size 4 again. And that is okay. Being healthy, strong, and enjoying life is more important than a label in a pair of jeans, or a set of numbers on a scale. (I remind myself of that every singe day...maybe one day it will stick.)