Hashtag Real Life

I have so much to say, but my brain and body are tired, so here are random points that sum up my life right now.

• Even when divorce is the best option, it still sucks. 
• I feel like I am juggling a million balls, and am thankful that the vast majority of my friends and family understand.
• Three out of my five dogs will NOT let me touch their nails with clippers or a Dremmel like file. UGH.
• Speaking of juggling things, I have no idea how I will balance my son's increased OT appts, the needs of both of the kids when it comes to their academic struggles, counseling appts (for the kids and me), legal appts related to the divorce, the needs of my pets, housework, and my needs. 
• CrossFit is something that I refuse to give up. I love it, and I love my friends there. 
• Thursday I am applying for TANF (what some people call welfare) and food stamps. 
• As much as I theoretically would like to find Mr. Right, the thought of ever trusting someone like that again makes me feel nauseous. 
• Not being resentful toward He Who Must Not Be Named is a struggle everyday. Every single day. Thank God I start counseling soon. 
• Speaking of counseling, I am so thankful for the free counseling that the kids and I will be getting through a local agency.
• Daylight savings is awesome for my sleep pattern. 
• My family is amazing. 
• Faking it all is exhausting. Telling people I'm fine is exhausting. I'm not fine a lot of the time. I am angry, sad, relieved, anxious, hopeful, and exhausted at some point everyday.
• I no longer know what I want to do with my life professionally; literally, I change my mind everyday. My kids need so much from me right now, I just don't know how to work and be a good full time single mom. 
• At the end of the day, I get into bed with my kids & dogs, exhausted (sometimes tearful) but thankful that I have a roof over my head, wonderful children, amazing parents, crazy supportive brothers, and great friends. 

Cave

That currently describes how I feel. Yes, I am on anti-depressants and still in therapy. I get up and get my kids to pre-k/day camp Monday-Friday. We even make it to church most Sundays. I haven't worked out in weeks, mostly because of my leg but also because I legitimately worry that I will have a breakdown when I go back there. I miss it, though. And I miss my friends there.

When you have been strong for so long, people assume that you are strong....but you hate to cry and show how broken you are because you don't want to get "the look". I know that you know what I am talking about. That look of pity, or whatever you want to call it. I hate that look, and I know that I have given that look. So I've been in my cave. I snuggle with my dogs and cats, and work on my website (not nearly enough to be honest), and look for jobs. I read books, listen to podcasts, and binge watch Netflix (hello new eps of Pretty Little Liars!) I eat too many carbs, and then regret it.

So next week I will get out of the house and go to the gym, at least twice. I will start my physical therapy so that I can hopefully get back on track to running. I miss running so much; it was my go-to for stress relief and mood improvement. I am determined to get back to myself, but I am also determined to be gentle with myself. Wading through all of the emotions and complexities of divorce, and healing from all of the hurt is A LOT, and I want to make sure that I don't damage myself more in the process.

A Routine Life

32 days. That's how long it's been since my almost ex has seen the kids. He doesn't ask about them, ask to speak to them, or ask to see them. It's becoming abundantly clear that I will be doing this without him, and that is okay. 

A friend sent me this Happy Father's Day, Mom commercial, and it totally made me cry. Not because I was sad, but because it encouraged me. Seeing those adult children tell their stories about their single moms was inspiring. I am not the first mom to be doing this on my own, and I won't be the last. Women do this everyday, and we have ben doing it for ages. 

Something that has helped is that we are finally getting into a routine. The kids are in camp/pre-k this summer, so I have time during the day to work on my new business, run errands, take care of the house, and take care of my furbabies. Then I pick up the kids, and we start our evening routine-relax, dinner (more on that in a minute), chores, bath, read, and bed. Next week, I add CrossFit back into the routine. Though I am a go with the flow person, and I can be spontaneous, I truly function best with some sort of routine and so do the kids. 

Dinner is something that I struggled with when almost ex was still in the house. He is such a gamer that he rarely wanted to have any sort of family dinner. Even when he wasn't gaming, he wanted us (him and me) to sit in front of the TV while the kids ate at the table. Family dinners were not something that he wanted or cared about, and it didn't matter that they were something that I wanted. With this new routine, I am finally getting those family dinners. The kids and I sit at the table, together, and we actually eat and talk. I don't check my phone. The tv is still on but it's for background noise (misophonia sucks). It is so nice to just sit and eat with my kids; I actually get to hear about their days and they ask me so many questions! In my mind, I am planting a seed with them now with these family dinners, letting them know that they can ask anything and I am there to listen. 

Every night after my kids are in bed, I wonder if I am enough. And I replay the day in my head, thinking of all the parenting mistakes that I made. And every night the kids come out of bed, into the TV room, and tell me they love me; that I am beautiful; and that they will keep me forever. Yep, I must be doing something right. 

The Launch of My New Life

I've been a SAHM for the past 16 months, and it has been wonderful. I have been homeschooling, bonding with my kids, taking care of the house, caring for my furbabies, and I have loved it. But life changes, and so must I, and it is time for me to work and support my family. 

I have been taking time to think and process, and figure out how I am going to support my kids, keep our house, and keep our pets. The optimal solution was to work at home, but finding reliable at home jobs that aren't physically demanding (recovering from surgery), and don't involve phone calls (kind of difficult with 5 large dogs) or selling items (I am just not good at that, at all). So instead of working for others, I decided to launch Becca's Bargains. 

What is Becca's Bargains you ask? It is quite simply, a shopping/bargains site. There is no catch for you, the shoppers-it's free, no registration needed, and you can even save money. Even if you do not use any of the coupons or deals, if you just enter the stores through Becca's Bargains, and order anything, then I make a small commission from those stores. You already shop at stores like Amazon, Walmart, Target, and Old Navy, and if you enter them through my site, then you help support a single mom and her kids. 

Some of you might be wondering why I don't just go out and get a conventional full time job; well the answer to that is, I need a job that is flexible. My son is diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder , as well as gross & fine motor skills delays, and is in occupational therapy for at least the next year. I am recovering from leg surgery and will be in physical therapy twice per week for several months. My children's father is not active in their lives, so I am the one who needs to be available to stay at home with them when they're sick; take them to sports practices and games; and help them adjust to life with one parent. In short, I'm doing this whole parenting thing on my own now, so I need the flexibility to take care of my kids and pets as needed, without worrying that an employer will fire me, write me up, etc. 

So please, share Becca's Bargains everywhere and with everyone. Enter stores through there, do your shopping, and help me support my family. I am not trying to become some millionaire, I just want to put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and be a good parent. 

Coparenting...Challenge Accepted

I need to remember this, and I need to share this with my ex. Last night and this morning, we got into it via text, and then on the phone. I am not proud of that, but it is what it is. This shit is HARD, and I am trying my best to keep it civil but sometimes, I just lose it. I am still angry about what has happened, but everyday I am able to forgive a little bit more. 

Today, ex visited with the kids which gave me a MUCH needed break for a few hours. I sat in Starbucks and enjoyed a breakfast. I cleaned out my Twitter and FB, and locked down both of them. I even came up with a proposal about what I want in the divorce. Shockingly, he wasn't opposed to the vast majority of it (I sent it to him via email, and then he called). The kids and dogs enjoyed him visiting (they visited here at the house), and he took them to the dentist. Then I went to therapy and it was great...I seriously cannot explain how helpful it is to have a professional to talk to about all of this. If I did not have my therapist, I have no doubt that i would be nuts right now. 

Next step is trying to foster the relationship between the kids and ex. His brain injury is apparently severe, which makes everything so complicated. I need to somehow explain to the kids how their daddy's brain works differently than other people's brains; and how his emotions, words, and memory are negatively affected. I think THAT is the hardest part, knowing that he is this way because he chose to serve our country; yes, he is also an alcoholic, but the TBI is terrible. 

I pray and hope that he gets help for all of his issues so that he can be the best father possible to our kids. But now, his issues are no longer mine to deal with on a regular basis. My plate is full with the kids, the pets, and my life. Right now, my new life is my highest priority. 

Homeschooling is a Journey

It occurred to me that although I many times ask, via FB and Twitter, what others do for homeschooling, I never really say what we are doing now. So, I am sharing today. Let me start off my saying that I am making the decision to homeschool year round, and to homeschool on most days of the week. Yes, there are some traditional school days that we don't homeschool, but we also don't take off the holidays, teacher planning days, etc that public schools take. I am staying Common Core aligned (a teacher friend sent me some great CC aligned assessments), so that if they return to public school I know that they will at least be on grade level.

Here's a typical day of homeschooling for us (our kids are preschool/pre-k, and K):

1. Educational TV such as Sesame Street, Magic School Bus, Wild Kratt's, etc-I know that some people are 100% TV watching, but we are not. Both of our kids learn very well through TV shows, and they enjoy them. The TV is usually on while I am making breakfast and during breakfast; sometimes even during handwriting/coloring practice. I especially enjoy how they ask questions during and after the tv shows, because it gives me ideas on more subjects for them to study.

2. Online work such as Teach Your Monster to Read, and ABCMouse-I love both of these websites and so do the kids. Monster is focused on reading, ABCMouse is a complete CC aligned curriculum for K, and it has curriculum from preschool-preK as well for our son (he has already completed Level 1 preschool). With both sites, the kids learn from games, worksheets, songs, etc. ABCMouse also has a separate "fun" area, as well as an area for parents to print off worksheets, and other learning areas for the kids to explore. Seriously, this site is awesome and worth the money.

I also use random websites for Science, such as Brain Pop, jr (the free stuff), National Geographic, and Science4Us (the free stuff).

3. Online apps-Bella, our 6 yr old uses Lexia/Rosetta Stone for homeschoolers to teach reading. As you can tell, I place great importance on learning to read. The websites are fun and great, but Lexia teaches some more difficult areas in reading and understanding. Bella has been diagnosed with expressive receptive speech delay in the past, so we have come to understand that she requires many different ways of learning, especially reading. The combo of Monster, ABC, and Lexia seems to be working.

We also use Read to Me, a Kindle app, to help both of them with reading/word recognition. This is a FREE app that delivers a new book to my Kindle everyday. The best part is that the app reads the book to you, while showing the words and highlighting them as they are read. The kids LOVE this and "read" their new book every night before I tuck them in bed.

4. Worksheets-Some of these I have gotten from friends, websites (teacherspayteachers), but some of the handwriting practice I just make up myself.

5. Flashcards and board games-Boggle, jr is AWESOME for teaching letters and short words. Chutes and Ladders is great for teaching numbers. And really any board game teaches patience, manners, taking turns, and counting. We are also getting Clue, Jr to work with reasoning, solving problems, and using clues.

6. Everyday life-You can really learn all day long, in every setting. They learn the importance of exercise through going to CrossFit with us. We talk about money and budgeting while shopping, especially when they want something and we talk about making choices between wants and needs. At the grocery store, we talk about healthy food choices and why it's important to eat healthy food.

So there you have it, that's our homeschooling in a nut shell. We don't do all of those every single day, but we do at least 4 of them a day. Oh, and of course the kids get outside play everyday (weather permitting); i read them a book at night (after Read to Me); and I am working to find some cheap, easy art projects for them to do.

Optimism

Today was a turning point for me, and I don't know why; but today I have felt more optimistic and hopeful about life, marriage, parenting, than I have in so very long. Nothing special happened; in fact, my husband is at work today (and no, his absence wasn't the reason). My only answer to this is prayer. 

I have been praying for so long, that my marriage would get better, and that life would get better. Not to say that I haven't taken some action, but I believe that regular praying and finding a church home has given me the confidence to make changes. I literally chose one night, during a prayer, to "let go and let God." I stopped praying for specifics and just basically said "you know my needs. please, i beg you to fix this, show me a way to fix it." I didn't feel better overnight, but over a few weeks time I have felt the change. 

Some of you are probably rolling your eyes now, and I get that...i really do. I would've rolled my eyes at me a few months ago. But whatever, it's the only reason that I have for my change. I am facing so much shit right now-bankruptcy, marriage stuff (husband's PTSD, TBI, and combat related health issues), parenting challenges, and my own personal shit-yet somehow, I am feeling so much better about everything. Our kids are loved and healthy. Our fur babies are loved and healthy. We are not in danger of losing our house, or our vehicles, or our lives. We've decided to once more try to get pregnant (that's a whole other challenge). I am facing so many challenges in 2015, but right now I am at peace. And that my friends, says a lot.

So. Much. To. Do.

It's 5 days until my shoulder surgery, and I have so much to do. I need to come up with some easy to cook and eat meals for at least the first week when my husband will be cooking, cleaning, kid caring, basically everything including keeping me happy and comfortable. Not to mention all the laundry that needs to get done (I'd like him to start with a clean slate as far as laundry) and all the homeschool stuff.

Speaking of homeschooling, we received all of our supplies from Connections Academy on Tuesday night (2 nights ago). So I logged onto my Learning Coach home page that night and found out that they had been assigning stuff to Bella since MONDAY, so we were already like 11 lessons behind, UGH. Since I hate seeing the words "overdue lessons" we have been working hard to get caught up; as of now we only have 4 overdue lessons left, but by tomorrow we will have more since we didn't get to today's lessons. I am determined to get her caught up and even ahead before my surgery on Tuesday since I won't be teaching her on Tuesday or Wednesday, and my husband does't have the patience to teach her. Oh, and the kids are starting soccer next week so the husband will also have to be taking them to soccer practice while I am recovering.

An unexpected benefit of homeschooling has been that I actually have more patience with Bella in general. Seeing how she learns and how she gets frustrated so easily has given me a better appreciation of why she was so stressed in school, and why she needs ME to teach her at this point in time. We are also becoming closer because we spend a lot of time together, which we are both loving! She especially loves to ask me, several times though our the day during various activities, "are you mommy or are you teacher right now?"

Now if I can just get my eating and working out back on track, my life will feel pretty balanced...all in good time, though. I am being gentle with myself with that stuff since I have shoulder surgery and a venous closure coming up soon. The healthy eating will be back on track sooner because the husband and I will be doing Whole30 soon while my shoulder recovers. All I am focused on right now is getting through both procedures, and being 100% physically healthy again.

Homeschool Day 1

I really wanted to come up with a clever title for this, but it's almost 14:00 and I am just now sitting down for lunch because I am exhausted. I love it, though. I feel like quitting my job outside the home was the best decision for us right now, no matter how stressful it is financially.

My goal was always to start homeschooling the day after Labor Day but I'd hoped that I'd have the Connections Academy curriculum by now. Due to paperwork issues, B just got 100% enrolled today, so we don't have the materials yet; so today we were on our own :) Since the kids are very close to the same level academically, today was pretty easy and fun. I had downloaded several educational apps on my Kindle, so we read some online books, did numbers games, and did matching games. Then the kids rode their bikes for 35 minutes while i walked with them. B wasn't too sure about the whole school thing at first (she HATED regular school & was very stressed), but when she realized that it was fun, she was all in! B is also starting soccer tonight, so she will get to meet friends and interact with more kids which makes us both happy.

One of the things that I like about homeschooling is the flexibility, which is about to become very important to me. Our schedule is already going to be busy with homeschool, soccer, play dates (through the local homeschooling group), CrossFit (including my intern duties) and church, and it's only going to get worse when i have shoulder surgery on the 16th of this month. Yes, I am that crazy woman who is homeschooling 2 kids, taking care of 7 pets, and getting shoulder surgery. Yes, my husband will be helping some for the first week, but he also has a job in which he cannot take off a lot of time.  Hopefully I will feel okay enough to blog about my shoulder surgery.

Okay, so now I need to get ready to take the kids to the grocery store and shopping for soccer stuff for tonight. I really think I might need a hot bath tonight.

Life Overhaul

So today, I am starting the 21 Day Fix with a friend of mine. It's a Beach Body Program, but I am not a BB rep nor did I did buy the product. The great thing about the internet is that you can find basically anything for free :) So, I found a calorie calculator for it, some awesome tracking sheets, the measurements for all of the containers, and some recipes. The only thing that I couldn't find were the workout videos, but that's ok since I will be going to CrossFit everyday (the thought of 21 straight of CrossFit is kind of intimidating but whatever, I need it). I'll post before and after results when it's over. Yes, I know that a quick 21 fix isn't a permanent fix, but it's a great jumpstart for me and it will help me to get back into a healthy routine.

Along with getting back on track with eating and working out, I am also giving up alcohol for those 21 days. That is something that really needs to be done because my nightly wine consumption is not helping my waistline or my sleep.

Something else that I am implementing is an actual daily schedule. It's in the planning stages right now, but I know that it will start with me getting up no later than 0700 and going to bed (as in lights out) no later than 2200....now I just have to figure out the detailed parts in between. I need time for chores, errands, cleaning the gym, working out, nap (for the kids), and playing with the kids and dogs. Ideally I'd also like some beach time 3 times a week, too, especially since the summer tourist crowd is thinning. Oh, and once the school year starts there will need to be some time scheduled for homeschooling.

So here's hoping that I can stick with these healthy changes and a daily schedule!

Kids' Bedroom is DONE

The kids have never really had a decorated room. In Colorado, I had 10 days to prepare for them moving in, so they had necessities but not decor. When we moved here, they were originally sleeping in the now playroom, and my brother in law and his wife (best sister in law EVER) were living with us and sleeping in the kids' now bedroom. When they moved out, we moved the kids in there but didn't know how to decorate it. The kids share a bed and a room (their choice), so decor had to please both of them. They picked out bedding, but then we didn't get any further....until now :)

Here are some before pictures:

And here are the after pictures :) To say that I am THRILLED is an understatement!

The green wall is Jax's wall. They each got to pink a wall color for one wall, and he picked green. He also loves Daleks. 

This is Bella's wall-she loves pink, princesses and Doctor Who.

That is the exploding TARDIS print....yes, we have little Whovians :)

They picked out this bedding from Target. They like is because the blue robots remind them of the Cybermen from Doctor Who. 

Better view of the Dalek poster. 

Their before bedtime books :) 

They agreed on this toy organizer for their bedroom. They also agreed that the toy organizer for the playroom will be Cars themed.

They've had this book shelf since we first gained custody of them <3

They now have their own space, that they partially decorated and gave opinions about everything. It makes them happy and makes me so very happy. They'd better like it for years to come because this momma is so not repainting any time soon....so much paint on me! 

Next mission, finish the trim work in the hallway! Mission "make this house into a home" is 100% underway!

Making a House a Home

Life has been busy and I have felt disorganized and out of sorts, so I've decided to do something about it. Lets start with the house....

We've been here about 2 years but it's still not put together at all, and it's been driving me crazy. I feel like we can't have friends over because I am embarrassed about how it looks. Granted, our yard sucks too, but at least we have some patio furniture and a grill so I'm ok with the backyard for now. Well, I decided to do something to start getting the house in order.

Yesterday I decided that the bathrooms, kids' bedroom, and the playroom HAD to get 100% put together, and soon. So, I painted the master bathroom a gleaming shade of white and talked to the kids about colors for their bedroom (more on that in a minute). I know what y'all are thinking "Ooooo, gleaming white, so daring" (while rolling your eyes), and yeah I know that white walls aren't for everyone, but I love simple, minimalist bathrooms. I don't like all the jars full of Qtips, cotton balls, etc everywhere on shelves and counters. I don't like lots of patterns and stuff in small spaces, and I don't like dark walls or dark accents in bathrooms. So in our master bathroom, this is the center of attention

I bought this years ago when we lived in Colorado, and I still love it. Now that the walls are gleaming white, the colors in it stand out even more. I bought these a few months ago (there's also a soap dish) and LOVE them! (well, the kids broke the cup but that's no biggie, shit happens when kids handle breakables)

I bet you're wondering why I don't show a picture of the entire bathroom...well, that's because it's dirty right now, including the painting supplies, and I'm too lazy to clean it at the moment. Any way, I am happy with the master bathroom for now. Still need to get a couple of towel rods, and eventually I'd like to replace the light fixture but that is down the road. BTW, here is a link to the shower curtain that I bought at WalMart-I like it and it was cheap! The half bath just needs a fresh coat of white paint, a trash can, and a new rug-easy peasy!

Next up is the kids' bedroom. A, our 6 yr daughter, and J, our 4.5 yr old son, share a room and a full size bed. They want it that way, so that way it shall stay. They literally refuse to get separate beds or rooms, so it kind of makes things easy. This is their bedding (they jointly chose it):

Additionally, they have the window toppers to match the bedding, Doctor Who posters (framed) and a closet with curtains instead of doors. I'm happy with the decor so far, but the walls badly need painting. So I talked with the kids and we decided that 2 small walls would be eggshell color, and they would each get to pick a color for 1 of the remaining walls. B wants her wall to be pink and J wants his wall to be green, so that's what they will get! We are going to get paint today, and I will paint all the walls today and tonight. After the painting, the room will only need mini-blinds, a toy chest, and a second dresser. We bought the first dresser from Target, and with much cussing and alcohol, I finally got it together, so I made the decision that I will not be doing that again. Instead, I will be trolling Craigslist, yard sales, and thrift stores until I find a second dresser and a toy chest. The kids are so excited to have their room complete, and so am I!

Lastly, the kids' playroom needs to get finished...that is gonna be a chore. Here are a couple of pictures from a few months ago (pay no attention to the headboard, footboard, etc-those are gone now).

It needs a second coat of yellow paint, mini-blinds, curtains (for the window and closet), wall decor (I'm thinking Disney posters), a chalkboard area (they love chalk), a new rug, more organizing baskets, a full size bed (to replace the stained couch) with lots of large couch pillows so that the kids can use it as a couch. For now, I will settle for the paint, curtains, and rug. 

While I am redoing that part of the house, I am also hanging curtains (already purchased) in the TV room and looking for 2 "new to us" couches. After I am done with the bathrooms and kids' rooms, I'll start working on trim work in the hallway, then changing one of the paint colors in the family room and hallway. *sigh* Maybe I can get done with the whole house by Thanksgiving. 

There ya have it, my house redoing plans for the next couple of weeks. I will be sure to post some before and after pictures. 

No Need to Hurry Fun

One of the perks of becoming a SAHM is that on days like this-cloudy, dealing with a migraine hangover, feeling tired-I don't feel like we have to do something fun to salvage the weekend. When I was working outside the home, I felt pressure to make Saturdays and Sundays fun, and if I didn't I felt a tremendous amount of Mommy guilt. The relief I feel to not have that guilt is wonderful.

I have a confession, we have not been homeschooling yet. I did a lot of research and asked many questions in FB groups regarding homeschooling and the overwhelming response was, don't do anything formal until they are 6 or 7 years old. This makes perfect sense to me!

When I was 5 yrs old, kindergarten was half a day, and it was filled with coloring, playing, some reading, and recess; so that is what I have been doing around here. We play games like CandyLand and Chutes & Ladders to help with numbers and colors. I read to/with them daily, and they watch some tv like Sesame Street and the Magic Bus. I've also been teaching them about gardening, and we even planted some seeds that are growing! And because of some tense times with our zoo of cats and dogs, they have learned some animal first aid, as well as how to take care of hurt pets. Since we make regular trips to the beach, they are also learning about tides, jellyfish, sharks, and all things ocean related. So far, this method of "teaching" has been working very well & the kids are actually enjoying learning new things.

So for now, we are going to enjoy the spring and summer months, make frequent beach trips, cook meals as a family (the kids love to help us cook), and then start some structured homeschooling in the fall.

I Can Do This

I have been feeling very out of sorts since having the kids home full time and my husband home most of the day over the past couple of weeks. There hasn't really been any routine, so homeschooling, exercise, and eating healthy has gone out the window. Consequently, I feel gross, have had more body pain, and have been in a funk. The kids have also watching more TV than I normally allow, and that is something that I really do  not like.

So over the past few days I've started making plans. I have started the process of enrolling Bella into an online, public school. I will still be homeschooling her, but now I will have a curriculum and teachers to assist me. Starting Monday and until the school year starts, I will be using an all in one home school curriculum from this site. I will be using the pre-school & kindergarten curriculum with her, and the preschool curriculum with Jax since he will be going into public, free, pre-k in the fall. I really feel that I can get Bella caught up on reading and other kindergarten goals by working one on one with her. My goal is for both of them to be in regular, public/private school by the time each of them is in the second grade.

This morning I also meal planned for the next 10 days, and made a grocery list of everything that I need to buy for the meals. Knowing that I know what to make for the next 10 days is actually a big relief for me, and it means no more fast food or ordering in for supper, which will help our budget and help our health. I am making a workout plan which includes daily yoga through Daily Burn on Hulu-stoked that I found Daily Burn! Oh, and I ordered a Beach Body plan....will write more about that when I actually get it.

Seriously, I feel so much better after making some sort of plan and basic daily schedule. I feel like I have some sort of control over my life again, which is nice. Now if I could just get my legs healed, I could work out exactly how I want and when I want.

What the What

I withdrew B, our kindergartner from school. I had many issues with the school, the last one being that they lost her this past Friday and no one could tell me where she was for over 15 minutes. Outwardly, I was calm, but inside I was freaking out....how in the hell could they not know where a 5 year girl was?!

Now I am all "WTH WAS I THINKING?! HOW CAN I HOME SCHOOL HER?!" I want to do this, and I am committed to doing this, and my husband is supportive, and I have A LOT of friends who are providing me with resources....but wow, it is intimidating. It's so intimidating, in fact, that I ordered Homeschooling for Dummies and I will be reading it cover to cover starting tomorrow.  A friend also reminded me that natural things, such as shopping, can be teaching moments so I am trying to remind myself that I can make everything into learning moments. I know that this is best for her, I just have to figure out how to do it and how to make everything work.

I thought that staying at home would make me feel less like I was being pulled in a million directions, but truthfully I still feel pulled in a million directions. What's changed is that these new directions are all home/family/CrossFit related, so I feel passionately about all of them, which is both wonderful and trying. Adding to this is my trying to go green and save money on things...so yeah, I am feeling majorly pulled in so many directions.

So what's my plan you might ask? Well, I am taking this week to figure how the homeschool stuff, so no formal homeschooling this week. I will go to my local CrossFit box  every day for the rest of this week (so that will be 4 WODs and 2 yoga classes) and eat healthy so that I feel better and think more clearly. I will NOT freak out about B and home schooling at the moment, because that won't be productive and will just cause me to want to drink a case of pinot noir.

This gets easier, right? *sigh*